Nocturnal Hobbies

I have recently discovered that I have a new nighttime hobby, aside from peeing 52 times a night. Apparently, I’m a videographer. Yes, that’s right. I have started recording video with my phone while I am asleep. Dead-ass, as the kids say. Oh, get your head out of the gutter. I woke up yesterday to…

The EYES Have It

I am at the optometrist’s office. It’s the fancy-pants office. They have expensive carpet and a flagstone accent wall behind the mounted tv that is tuned to the Food Network. Finally! Medical professionals who know that food makes more people happy than the usual CNN vs FOX wars. Anyway, I have a freckle on my…


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