Every two hours like clockwork I wake up to pee. Weirdly, I have to have a sip of water before I get out of bed and race to the bathroom in a frantic duck-walk or I won’t be able to blow my nose. Dehydration sucks. It started when I crossed that line into “borderline diabetes” and with chemotherapy it has just gotten horribly worse. I have nose bleeds frequently now. And I am trying to watch my diet but the chemo regime requires me to take steroids to prevent allergic reactions. So during the time I’m on steroids, I am suffering literal hunger pangs and eating all of the food in the house.

I can do this. I can make it. I HAVE to make it because giving up and not fighting this is not an option. And I have completed 11 of the 12 chemotherapy sessions. I can do this. The finish line is in sight.

But I don’t want to. I don’t want to sit there for another four and a half hours getting pumped full of chemicals and saline solution and fight through another week of side effects and insomnia and nausea. I will do it. But I don’t WANT to do it.

Just this part of my treatment plan will be over at the end of this week. Then I’ll be moving into the next stage. And maybe it won’t be so bad. I will fight this disease from coming back because I am not a quitter. And my family needs me.

I can do this.

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