Every year I try to prove that I AM Mother of the Year and overextend myself and overdo everything and overprotect everyone. I sew. I volunteer. I cook all the whole food meals. I drive. I cheer. I yell. I vacuum. I do laundry. I feed a family of 7 on about $700 a month armed with coupons, weekly sale ads and frequent shopper cards. I hug. I cry. I laugh. I laugh a lot. I do without. I make appointments, break appointments, and drag people to appointments. I dole out meds. I refill meds. I probably need to be on meds.  The same as every other mom on every other block in every other city in every other state in every other country all around the globe. So what?

Due to my extremely lengthy daily lists of shit I require myself to get done, I usually leave myself feeling winded, exhausted, under-appreciated, over-worked, and let down. But TODAY I am vindicated. In addition to the usual list of crap I have to get done, I was asked to pick up a baby gift for a friend of my husband, whose wife just had a baby. (Okay, honestly, she had the baby about a month or so ago and it’s been on my list to pick something up but I don’t remember until it’s 2 a.m. and I’m trying to solve world hunger through bouts of insomnia. I digress.) Anyway, so I went to Old Navy early today and found HUGE sale and picked up 3 pairs of pants and 3 cutie-pie little shirts for their son (and the obligatory $60 worth of awesome impulse buys on sale that were all in MY size!) AND picked up the buttons for my daughter’s (and several of her teammates) softball jerseys (most of them are missing a button or two) from JoAnn’s and then I stopped to visit my BFF at her job and picked up a wall calendar with pictures of cows in yoga poses…..I had tears. Yes, I’m a total moron who laughs at cows doing yoga or Kung Fu.

I got my son’s graduation announcements squared away! (Go me!) And  refilled someone’s prescription and picked up someone else’s. I helped one of my kids work through some serious emotional baggage before the bus showed up.
AND I managed to take out the trash and recycling bin to the curb BEFORE the trucks showed up. I read 2 chapters of my current favorite author (Anne Lamott) and then took 5 minutes to call my sister and fill up her voicemail box with chatty, witty crap that popped into my head just because it makes me feel powerful that I can get even with her like that when she won’t take my calls due to her own uber-busyness.

I’m  going to head out now to the post office and mail off that baby gift and some coupons I can’t use to some friend out in Washington state who is actually better at couponing than I am. And still plan on making it back here to meet my daughter’s school bus and throw chicken into a pan in the oven before 3 pm. I’ve got so much “MOTHER” oozing out of me today that it’s GOT to cancel out the whole mouthing “WTF ARE YOU STARING AT???” moment that I had with my nosy neighbor yesterday when she kept glaring at me while I was yelling at my daughter about not being a bleeding taxi service.
Yeah, just like diet soda cancels out that chocolate bar if you eat them at the same time. I got this totally. I take a tiara in size 8.

2 thoughts on “MOTY 2015….Don’t Tear Up My Application Just Yet!

  1. I am crying laughing at you mouthing things to your neighbor! You’re sooo bad ass, I d I n none of these things. I gave up all of that stuff 3 years ago.

    You get all the awards!


  2. The mouthing things to your neighbor has me crying laughing!

    You’re so bad ass! I gave up all that stuff about 3 years ago and I’m never going back.

    I mean I have to get mess and stuff like that but the over volunteering…no.


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