So my husband has this thing about making beds: He doesn’t.
And it never fails that if I take a nap or the kids end up wrestling around on our bed and mess it up or whatever, he will just climb into bed at night and drag those covers any ole kind of way over himself and fall immediately to sleep. So when I finally get the girls in bed, turn off the WiFi, tell the boys to go to bed (which in Teenagerese is a Pavlovian suggestion that means “open the fridge and stare inside until stalactites have formed over their nasal hair”), go pee for the 49th time in two hours, check to make sure the porch lights are on and the doors are locked, turn off the WiFi again because SOMEONE had “just one more minute on this YouTube video” left to watch, brush my teeth and then threaten one last Elizabethan form of death by torture to the next one who gets out of bed before my alarm goes off, I walk in my room to discover the 4 and 3/8″ of bed sheet left for me by my husband the blanket-burrower.
Last night was business as usual. But instead of irritating myself by attempting to cover myself and grunt and pull blankets twisted around him, I decided to do things right. I
jerked ALL the bed covers off and made the bed correctly with him lying there shivering.
Cotton blanket? Check.
Ginormous double acrylic flowery blanket? Chec…nope. Wait, that’s going the wrong way.
Let’s try that again.
So, I stood at the foot of the bed and lifted my arms up and snapped them back down, the
way all moms and wives do when making beds to straighten the blanket and I felt a heavy crack against my cheek and forehead and saw stars like someone had just punched me in the face. Apparently, my cell phone was still in the pocket of my over-sized sweat jacket and when I lifted and snapped I had inadvertently caught the jacket and beat myself in the face with my own smartphone. My husband sort of grunted and began to snore again while I ran around the room yelling about what an a-hole I am.
So, yeah….head trauma? There IS an app for that.