So, someone on a private page on Facebook started me thinking tonight about all the stuff that is currently hip that I just absolutely cannot stand. And I am now going to share a portion of that with you….only a portion. The complete list is just too damn long.
1. Ryan Gosling. I know that that this guy has a huge following of slobbering women and I’m one of those that sees him and thinks, “Meh!” He has the sex appeal of a wet tube sock. No, really. I think Mr. Bean is hotter than Ryan Gosling.
2. Walking Dead. I used to think Norman Reedus was good looking. After watching 3 episodes of this creepy-ass show (sponsored by the NRA,) I now think he looks more like a dirty hobo in search of toilet paper and soap. I am very grateful that there isn’t an olfactory equivalent of HDTV.
3. Chick-Fil-A. Yeah, a chicken nugget is a chicken nugget. Color me unimpressed…any day of the week INCLUDING Sunday.
4. Twitter. I have a Twitter account but ultimately, I just don’t get it. I’d rather speak in complete sentences.
5. Online Quizzes. If I see one more “Which (fill_in_the_blank) Are You?” quizzes on Facebook, I think I’ll vomit. I hate Disney and I’m a fairly independent woman who would much rather STAR in her own movie rather than be the girly fluff needing to be saved by some royal dude. So, I have little need to take the “Which Disney Princess Are You?”Quiz.
6. Tattoos. Yeah, I know, I know. Feel free to express yourself and all that shit. But you know, I still view tattoos as the corporeal version of bumper stickers. It used to be that badasses and true individuals got tattoos. Now I’m seeing 58 yr old women bending over to pick up their grandchildren and exposing their “tramp stamps” that say clever things like “Sweetness” or “Juicy Mama.” I know this paints me as a prude but I don’t care. It creeps me the hell out to see shit scrawled all over necks, behind ears, down legs and feet and around elbows. I am all about the eye contact just to keep my eyes from rolling back in my head.
7. Gauging and facial piercings beyond the tasteful ears, nose and eyebrows. See #6.
You know who I really pity? All the unemployed circus freaks. It’s so common now that they are all off looking for work at the Gap.
I’ll stop at 7. I was going to make it a 10-point list but frankly, I’m not David Letterman and I’m really tired.