My chest tightens and my breath grows shorter.
 Jaws are clenched and I can feel my teeth grinding to nubs.
I see tiny white stars pop in front of my eyes.

Orange peels decorate the living room with dirty tissues to contrast.
The teaser had been chucking snot rags at his brother, who
returned fire with the orange peels.

The teased one explodes and pounds the teaser.

The smaller sees red and chases the larger to the
corner by the front door (so all the neighbors
can hear) and pounds on him until he screams
like a girl, twisting to get away and ripping my
curtains out of the wall.

The swear words and shouting back at me; ignoring me
when I call their names; blatantly disregarding directions
or punishment – these are the things I have to deal with
while their father is gone….

He goes off to work and buys them nice gifts because he
misses them.  They don’t act like monkeys on methamphetamines
when he’s in town. And when he comes home they are his sweet
respectful kids and he gives them gifts.

Me?  They give me shit and it doesn’t matter whether I do nice
things or not for them….I’m the mom.  So I reap the shit.

God.  I can’t wait until I have grandchildren.

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