we were the same at one time.  shared ideas.  shared dreams.  shared music.  and even some bad experiences.  but you had more because you were older than i was.  and then you got married and moved away.  and i felt left out and unappreciated.  you didn’t even invite me to the wedding.  but i never held it against you.  and we kept in touch.  and i visited you in your home far away in a foreign land and i recognized that you were hurting and distant and not at all yourself.  and i tried to help you bring the music back into your life.  you seemed happy with my attempts but still not happy.  and then later when you returned and things got bad and you decided to leave him, i was there and held your hand.  and when i moved we lost touch until i moved back.  and when i found out we were working in the same building i was so happy and tried to block out a weekly lunch with you.  and then you quit.  and got married again.  and moved again to a foreign land.  but we managed to at least exchange letters every year or so.  and i again came to visit you although only for a layover through the city you were in.  and when you were having a bad time and you called me out of the blue after not hearing from you in nearly three years and we talked for hours and ran up your phone bill to some ungodly amount, i felt as though you appreciated me as the friend i’ve always tried to be. but we had never shared with each other some of our opinions of the world and now after all of the years and shared moments and experiences you are clamming up and defensive when i ask why you’ve cut ties again except to publicly challenge my world views.  i am saddened that you seem to view a difference in opinion as a character flaw; as something that cannot be embraced as a part of me but only as a distinct black mark on what you think our friendship should be.

2 thoughts on “differences

  1. I know that situation! My best friend from my later years of high school dropped off the radar when she got married to a military guy. I would try to contact her to no avail, then she would just call out of the blue. Very agravating.

    I publicly aired my grievances once or twice, which turned bad before we hashed things out. We are supportive of each other now, but not as close as we used to be.

    It is sad to lose a friend, but I think that the lack of good that was coming out of your friendship was too great of a burden to bear. I think that you will be better for cutting off the relationship.


  2. I don't know. I guess since my friend was military and I'm an Army BRAT this type of relationship is normal for us both. Where we can be separated for years at a time and pick up where we left off as though no time had lapsed. I guess my issue was more that she had drifted away in the last 2 years and stopped any and all dialogue unless it's to criticize my politics…or so it seems. Maybe I was just hyper-sensitive that day and thus the blog. Maybe she was just having a really crappy day.
    Either way, no reason to throw out the baby with the bath water…It's all about second chances.
    I have to believe that the differences can be discussed and we can choose to leave them behind and continue with the friendship or mutually agree that it has run its course.


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